Ikigai – finding my reason for life

Note: this is quite personal and introspective. Unless you’re looking to get deep into my head, maybe you’ll be better off reading another article. I posted this here just to have easy access to it in case I ever need it, and decided to make it public on the off chance that it helps someone.

There’s a concept called ikigai, it’s essentially a Venn diagram that reveals your ‘reason for living’ based on the overlapping sections. What you love, what you can be paid for, what the world needs, and what you’re good at. Cyclically I get into the idea of what my ikigai is, and I mean… I’m 33 and I’ve found it? I think? Luckily? Is that an illusion though? Should I be able to know that so early on? Am I not scrutinizing my beliefs enough? I’ve written my beliefs below. I also think I’ve made an ikigai post at least twice before, though I don’t know when that would have been. I scanned through my blog posts for it, didn’t see it. Maybe this is the first time I made it public?

What I love:
Being a leader? It’s interesting how that came to mind first. I like having the authority to make decisions or at least part of the group that does, though I dislike the responsibility attached to leadership. I love having enough knowledge in a field to properly teach it to others. I love the feeling of recognition (in all aspects) inwardly and outwardly. I love puzzles, I love aromas — the act of dissecting an aroma into puzzle pieces, finding a way to physically obtain those pieces, and experimenting with how to ‘put the aroma back together again’ and finally measure my success. I love explaining things or attempting to explain things, oddly enough I seem to enjoy speaking about subjects I’ve never spoken about before because hearing my own incoherence out loud is a motivator to learn more. I love listening to subjects I know very little or nothing about, to diminish my ignorance. I love thinking about why things are the way they are, and how a little tweak might have a profound impact. I love texture, I love holding things. I love learning history, finding treasure, collecting things. I love video games, I love openness, I love femininity in its traditional sense. I love walking, being alone, sitting in the rain, calmness. I love the concept of patience despite being an impatient person. I love putting myself in positions that are stressful? Do I love that? I am attracted to stress, perhaps I love the feeling of being judged? Perhaps thriving in stress is a metric that I consider a leader should have, and if I consider myself such, it’s part and parcel of the expectations I have of myself? I love being aware of things, despite being generally aloof. I love sleeping and dreaming, recording my dreams, and trying to decode them afterward. I love introspection, so doing this was quite enjoyable.

What I’m good at:
I think I’m good at speaking, knowing when to speak, and knowing when to be quiet. My memorization in certain categories seems good. I think I’m good at learning new concepts and skills, and quickly able to become proficient in putting them into practice. I have realized that I often take things to 80% and ‘put them on the shelf’, this is something I am working on. I think my ability to recognize my weaknesses is good, and taking steps to correct them also good. I think I’m good at finding role models and finding answers to questions I have. I think I am good at keeping my vision on something through tedium and challenges. I am good at doing meticulous work. I think my palate and ability to recall mental notes is good, my memory is good, my imagination and creativity is quite strong. Writing all this out makes me consider all the things I’m not good at, which is a much longer list. My knowledge and preparation of tea, wine, cocktails, etc – virtually any drink I’ve studied I believe is very good. My sense of duty and loyalty is strong, which I attribute to ‘good’. I think I am extremely tolerant, maybe too much, perhaps it’s good in a sense. In a very narrow scope, I think I am exceptionally observant, however in the wider scope rather negligent.

What can I be paid for:
I mean, I think I am an excellent host, I’m a great server, sommelier, teacher of things in my fields of study, I suppose other than that I can cook a bit, and then of course all the uneducated fields I should do alright in. Service-related fields seem to make the most sense, butlering, etc. This is the hardest of the diagram to answer — it’s awkward to answer. My charisma and passion are worth paying for?

What the world needs:
This one I wonder – it seems arbitrary for me to make that call, but I think we are becoming too disconnected from each other. The world needs more community, and it needs to slow down. Our forward momentum is too fast and those that are not in the right place at the right time are being left behind, and they will struggle to catch up. We need to regain our humanity and our connection to the world. We’re losing what makes us human: our ability to contemplate and imagine. Our lives are becoming less free in the sense that they’re more distracted and guided, maybe less free is intended by design or maybe it’s a coincidence. I feel there’s less art, creativity, thinking, and reasoning done — optically there’s surely no shortage of it, but that’s perhaps just in perception because the content is constantly being pushed into our faces. Despite having more people on the planet, there seems to be less thinking going on, more following. I humbly think that our brains are meant to be used, not sedated.  

Ikigai:
I’ve found a lot of enjoyment in furthering my ability to perceive things, most notably in the field of tea. I believe other people would enjoy doing the exercises that I do, and that I am qualified to teach them why and how. I believe these lessons would deepen one’s feeling of existence; and also that my mentoring/tutoring/guidance/camaraderie in staying on this path of consciousness would increase their quality of life by pulling them from the ‘machine’ and stimulating their creativity. I believe all of this is worth financial remuneration, and in addition to that, the tools used to further that line of consciousness are an additional way in which I can make a living doing this (the sales of tea, ceramics, etc). I believe the obvious passion I have for what I do is contagious and is beneficial to be around, especially if someone is feeling weak or inadequate. Despite all the strengths I claim to have, I do think there are exponentially more weaknesses, and that I am no better suited to be doing this than the next person. The only difference between them and I is that I didn’t think about doing it, I did it, for years, to get to this point. I think the humility – humanity? The ‘real’ rawness of my nature, the honesty, the somewhat dim-wittedness of my character is a good motivator for people – along the lines of, “if he can do it, then surely I can!”  

Closing remarks:
Looking at the picture above, in the sections where the ikigai is not complete because one part is lacking. I suppose my issues are mostly related to what the world needs, and what I can be paid for. If what the world needs is incomplete, I would agree with the picture that I feel generally satisfied but there’s a looming feeling of uselessness. When I am actively using my skills with someone, or even studying things in my field I don’t feel useless at all, quite the contrary, in situ I believe I exist in the ikigai. The problems arise when I run out of new information to voraciously binge, or run out of people to teach. I start to turn to more obscure, irrelevant, fringe stuff, which can be interesting for a bit, but that tapers off until I lose interest. Once that happens, I concede that what I am doing may very well be useless and fall into a cycle of distraction until I’m rescued. I think that I think this way because I have been doing this for so long and hard my candle is burned out and I need to have the flame of another person’s candle to stay motivated. The good news is that as soon as the candle is lit, I am back at it 100%. My big challenges are figuring out how to fairly and attractively monetize this, and how to minimize downtime (stay in situ). I suppose knowing this is half the battle.